A Slow Meander Through Life

Friday, May 26, 2006

Miss Lincolnshire Voting Begins!

Some weeks ago I read in the Lincolnshire Echo about the forthcoming Miss Lincolnshire contest. Being male, and with some time on my hands, I took a more than healthy interest in the news and read about some of the contestants. It was all very boring.
Last night I had the fortune (I'm unsure whether it was good or bad) to meet one of the contestants. I was in LN2 on the High Street when two girls entered, one wearing a sash with Miss Lincolnshire and some other stuff written on it. Before I knew what had happened, my mates and I had all sent a text message to some random number to register our vote for her. Alcohol is a dangerous thing.

Her friend took on a persona of campaign manager which was unfortunate, as she was clearly more attractive than the candidate. I pushed to see if they had any sort of manifesto, and I wanted to know what responsibilities she would have if crowned Miss Lincolnshire, but the answers didn't appear and I felt let down; I was eager for a debate on the environment or schooling or bikinis or something.
However, being the cautious ex-teacher that I am, the wire brace across the campaign manager's teeth alerted me to the fact that she probably wasn't very old (that and the fact that she was very attractive). I quizzed her on this and the answer was 18. Only 10 years younger than me then. When I returned home, I browsed to www.missengland.info to check out the competition. Here the scandal began.
You see, young Claire Wych isn't 18, but 17! A girl who wishes to represent Lincolnshire is in a bar that has a strict 18 and over policy. Does this mean disqualification? Should there be a public enquiry?
Now that I have the word document with all 20 contestants in it, I can safely say that I've voted for the wrong person. Sadly the only things that count are looks, age, height and name, as that is all that you know about the potentials. So, based upon this, I have done some elimination work.
First of all we rule out all of the contestants under the age of 18. Gone from the list are:

Claire Wych

Ellie Toth

Sammy Welburn

Stacey Larkin (a shame she had to go)

So, now we have to consider our three other options: height, looks and name. None of them are listed as benig taller than me, so they can all stay. However, the following are ruled out for having strange names:

Amy Cheeseman

Crystal Treadwell

Lucy Choo

Lynsay Bocock

Which only rules out 8 in total. So, it's down to looks. With no talk of motivation, what they enjoy doing or how they're going to change the world, we're down to good old fashioned looks. I can't be bothered putting all 12 in, so here's my top three, starting with number three...

Katy Jackson

Katy is 18 and 5ft 5in. I think she reached this far with a rather clever 'pyjama wearing' plan.
In second place...

Amber Smith

Amber is also 18 but is 5ft 9in. This isn't why she beat Katy.
And the winner is...

Sammie Parker!

Sammie wins due to being slightly older at 20, and a good height at 5ft 10in. She seems classically pretty, and if I could be bothered spending another £1 on a text message I'd vote for her. But I can't, so I won't.
So there you have it: my opinion on Miss Lincolnshire 2006. To those of you who believed I was doing some work this morning: I may have lied. And what does this little exercise in rating women go to show? Well, I'm not sure really. Answers on a postcard please.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Service Station Sales

I've returned to work in the service stations, and I'm sat here staring at something that is beginning to completely bewilder me.
Around the restaurant seating area, the following products are for sale: a tent for a child; picnic rugs; hamper baskets; stilts; swingball; a canopy for the boot of your car; telescopic chairs; a walking dinosaur; a portable TV; various radio control toys.
Who buys these things? Who walks into a motorway service station and buys swingball? It really is fascinating.
I've noticed at RoadChef that the deployment of staff is clearly planned. I guarantee that the most attractive members of staff will work on Costa Coffee. This would lead to me to wonder why I'm not sat there right now.
I like them though (the service stations, that is). Apart from the fact that from where I live I never go past one, I'll stop at a RoadChef if I can.
I'm writing about service stations. Somebody shoot me.


An elderly gentleman has just eyed up the dinosaur, but his wife said no. He felt that it would have been good for the grandson.

Monday, May 22, 2006

A Fine Start to the Week

Having been woken at 7am by someone believing that I would be awake at that time, I can happily say that I have had a good start to the week. I hit the gym and 8.30, and was in town looking at potential houses by 10am. On my way home I spotted two guys acting very suspicially outside a house and, having noticed a community bobby walking the streets, looped the bike around and reported the suspicious activity. I wanted to stay and watch but feared that as a 'grass' I would be a marked man.
I am facing the now strange task of having to work a little this week. It should be reasonably straightforward, so I can rest assured that there is some more money coming back into the coffers. I'm now the proud owner of both my bike and car, having paid off the finance, but it does mean that I'm going to have to continue working to raise the money levels once again. The plan is simple: debt free by the end of the year.
I'm starting steadily at the gym in order to keep my interest levels up. My attention span is short at the best of times, so I have to ensure that I don't spend long enough there to become bored. It's nice going first thing in the morning as you feel as you're achieving more, and there aren't loads of people there to see you failing hopelessly on the assisted chin dips.
A healthy lunch is on the cards now, and then I may hit the driving range to try and improve my golfing skills. It should be a good summer!